When they were little, Lin Miao watched Yu Jingxuan receive his infusion, and now it was the opposite: Lin Miao was receiving an infusion while Yu Jingxuan accompanied her.
Lin Miao was rarely sick; her health was always great. During those childhood years, she would feel sick in her heart when Yu Jingxuan suffered from illnesses and was forced to take medicine. She often held his hand then, with a well-concealed thought in her mind.
She wanted to share some of her good health with him.
Maybe it was due to her sickness and how it weakened her both mentally and physically, she felt as if she travelled back in time to her days of being a little girl.
Back then, she thought about Yu Jingxuan almost everyday, and hoped for him to look at her. When she was reunited with her family, the thoughts remained, and she still missed him.
Back then, she had just come back to her town. She wanted to visit him before he came to visit her, similar to how she wanted to walk home when she initially arrived at his house. On both occasions, it was too far.
At this moment, Lin Miao came to realize something.
She seemed… to… always ask him to find her.
He came to her town with the three dogs, he visited her school with cartons of milk, and he came to spectate her games and congratulate her.
Even now, it was Yu Jingxuan who always searched for her. He would always be able to meet up with her.
Lin Miao suddenly… suddenly felt afraid… of the day he might stop searching for her…
Maybe illness really weakened one’s mental as well as physical state.
Lin Miao’s IV bag had already emptied when her mother came back to the hospital. They returned to their apartment in the Yu family’s car, but Yu Jingxuan didn’t stay to eat lunch with them.
With something in her heart, the steamed meat that had originally made her mouth water didn’t even seem very appetizing anymore.
Studying her daughter’s facial expressions, Lin Miao’s mother seemed to understand what was going on. Her daughter really can’t keep anything secret, what would she do in the future?
Also… Lin Miao’s mother was a bit anxious. Yu Jingxuan treated Lin Miao as his younger sister. If he dated a girlfriend, Lin Miao would…
Sigh, people need to grow up eventually.
Lin Miao’s mother comforted herself with these excuses.
After lunch, Lin Miao took her medicine and was escorted into her room by her mom, “Go rest a bit, it’s good for you.”
Lying on her bed, Lin Miao quickly fell asleep.
She had a quite troubling dream.
However, it faded from her memory when she woke up. Now on her bed with her eyes open, she could see the wintry sun shine through the gaps of her window curtains.
She still felt dizzy, her head heavy. She felt herself seemingly disconnecting from reality.
Is this how it feels to be sick? Was Gege’s childhood as agonizing as this?
Lin Miao pitied him even more.
Pulling her phone over, she saw a new message from Yu Jingxuan quietly waiting for her in the messenger app.
“Shuishui, don’t sleep during the day. It’s easy to get dizzy.” This was coming from someone who was experienced.
But he was late with his reminder. Lin Miao just woke up, and as predicted, she was dizzy. So, she texted him back: “I just woke up, I think I also had a nightmare.”
“What did you dream of?”
“Forgot, but it definitely didn’t have Gege, or else I wouldn’t feel so scared.”
Yu Jingxuan stared at the message, thinking about a response, then typing: “Any time, I’ll be there whenever you want me.”
Reading the message, Lin Miao thought of how it was Yu Jingxuan who chased after her for all these years. Not knowing how to feel, she wrote back: “Gege… Why are you so good to me?”
She had asked this question before. Then, he had answered that it was because she was Lin Miao.
He didn’t say anything specific.
But she wanted to ask again. She was curious how he thought about her. She wanted to know what place she had in his heart.
Would he also be like her… Feeling awkward when thinking about the other, but also unable to avoid it.
It wasn't badminton. She had no control whatsoever, so she had to passively follow her mind.
She had an urge to go back to her school to train again. It would clear her mind of any other thoughts.
It must be that she was now unoccupied and sick that she started to behave so melodramatically.
Yes, Lin Miao was freaking out. She seemed to have turned into those melodramatic girls Tan Jing told her about.
Yu Jingxuan didn’t reply… Could it be that he did think she was melodramatic, repeating such simple questions?
Lin Miao held her hands up to her chest. Don’t feel bad, don’t panic, continue sleeping, and you’ll forget about it tomorrow.
She found sleeping especially helpful when handling awkward things. She would forget it by the time she woke up the next day.
But then, Yu Jingxuan suddenly called.
Lin Miao’s heartbeat accelerated. She hastily picked up the call and apologized, “Gege… I… feel like I’m being weird these days.”
On the other side, Yu Jingxuan had finally slipped out of his parents’ sight, finding a quiet place to call her.
“What’s wrong?” Yu Jingxuan asked, “Are you still unwell?”
“No…” Lin Miao was still on her bed. Listening to his voice, the same emotion came back. It was like standing in the most warming sun during golden times yet still wanting to cry. Lin Miao felt like she was going to lose everything. She spoke lightly, “I… feel a lot more down, but also happier…”
“Don’t feel bad.” Yu Jingxuan said, “Tell Gege what’s wrong, Gege will help you.”
He was already thinking about buying some puberty education books to study.
“Gege, if… I’m saying if…“ Lin Miao still wanted to say it, she couldn’t hold it all back.
“If I made some mistake, would you forgive me?”
“Of course.” He replied, “I’ll help you correct it and make up for it.”
Gege will forgive me. Lin Miao felt a sense of relief.
“Gege, I’ve become melodramatic and too selfish.” Lin Miao gritted her teeth and said everything she had held back.
All the things she purposely concealed and ignored. She couldn’t hide them forever.
Yu Jingxuan said he’d be forgiving and help her correct herself if she really made a mistake. Lin Miao believed in him.
“Why would you think that?” Yu Jingxuan didn’t think she was even talking about herself. “You’re not selfish nor melodramatic.”
Lin Miao was about to cry. She didn’t want herself to be this way, but here she was, becoming someone everyone hated.
“Gege, you said you’ll forgive me.” Lin Miao said, almost crying. “Actually, Gege, I’ve never told you before, but I’m really selfish. Sister Jing told me she wanted an older brother before, but I don’t want to share you with her at all… A lot of my teammates also want your number… I refused all of them… To… To…” To be honest, she would rather be their older brother than let Yu Jingxuan be someone else’s.
“I also saw a comment begging Gege to hug her. I… don’t want that at all. I only want Gege to hug me.”
Yu Jingxuan was left dumbfounded. He thought it was some small problem. Little did he expect her to reveal that she was possessive of him.
“When I was little, I wanted Gege to get married. I thought it would be good for someone to accompany Gege for the rest of your life, but I’ve changed… I don’t want Gege to be with other people… Gege…” Lin Miao was starting to choke on her tears, “It makes me happy, but also nervous to think about Gege. I’m really melodramatic…”
Yu Jingxuan’s voice was a bit hoarse. “You’re not selfish nor melodramatic, because I feel the same way. I don’t want to see you marrying other people, dating, or being with others.”
The moment he had waited day and night for had finally come.
He began slowly, “I've had this feeling for two years. Shuishui, do you know what this feeling is?”