[The girl in my heart, I always thought I hated her. I never said anything; I only wished to ignore it, and just walked home with her. — Pei Chuan]
In the summer of 1996, several days after the hailstorm ended, Bei Yao’s fever also subsided.
Zhao Zhilan sent her to the kindergarten, she warned repeatedly. “If you feel unwell or have a stomachache, you should raise your hand and tell Teacher Xiao Zhao, okay? Mom will pick you up after work.”
Zhao Zhilan was very worried about her daughter. However, the little girl immediately wanted to come to kindergarten the moment she got better.
Little Bei Yao obediently nodded her head and kissed Zhao Zhilan’s face. “Bye mom.”
She carried a small cotton school bag and entered the classroom; Teacher Xiao Zhao warmly welcomed her.
The kindergarten didn’t have any class, they just taught the children to count, and then played some games.
Today, Bei Yao did not tie her hair up; her hair was thin and soft, and the tip was faintly yellow.
Teacher Xiao Wu was teaching the students how to fold paper airplanes.
Bei Yao looked left and right, then found something wrong.
The classroom seemed to be missing a child. She knew that kid because they live close by, his name was Pei Chuan. Mom would tell her to call him Gege. Little Bei Yao had a fever a few days ago, it was also on that day when there was a hailstorm, and when that kid peed his pants.
Bei Yao asked Xiang Tongtong, “Where’s Pei Chuan Gege?”
Xiang Tongtong covered her mouth with her chubby hand. “He peed himself, it was dirty. We won’t play with him anymore.”
Bei Yao tilted her head and blinked.
For a four-year-old child, dropping out of school was a complicated word, she only knew that there was one less child in the kindergarten.
Of course, other children also wouldn’t pay too much attention to it.
It’s just that Bei Yao remembered that pair of dark and still eyes that she saw that day, like a little wolf. Zhao Zhilan worked at a clothing factory; she came over to pick up her daughter after work.
At home, Bei Yao said in a small voice, “Mom, Pei Chuan Gege gone, kindergarten.”
Her sentence order was scattered and it was difficult for Zhao Zhilan to understand. On the day of the hailstorm, Pei Chuan wet his pants, and that evening, no one came to pick him up. The next day, the child silently refused to go to the kindergarten again.
Zhao Zhilan felt complicated, so she patted her daughter’s hair. “He won’t come to the kindergarten anymore.”
“Why?”
Zhao Zhilan said, “He peed in the classroom and felt sad. The other children would make fun of him, so he didn’t want to go to the kindergarten again.”
Bei Yao’s almond eyes were clear and her cheeks were ruddy. “I pee too,” she was talking about at the beginning of the year when she accidentally wet the bed. She also got beaten up by Zhao Zhilan on her butt.
She didn’t understand. You can’t go to the kindergarten anymore if you pee yourself? Isn’t it obviously not done on purpose ya?
Zhao Zhilan couldn’t explain it well and finally sighed softly. “Silly girl, you’ll understand when you grow up.”
A sensitive and precocious child would feel a great sense of shame.
That poor boy.
*
September.
Pei Chuan, who was no longer studying in kindergarten, went to Chaoyang Elementary School—an affiliated preschool.
There was an odd number of students.
The gaze of a group of five-year-old children fell on a boy wearing blue-gray pants on the podium. Teacher Yu Qian patted Pei Chuan’s thin shoulder, and asked the children, “This is a new friend in our class, is there any amazing kid who wants to take care of him?”
Everyone looked at each other, and looked at the empty trousers. No one raised their hand.
Teacher Yu continued. “The kind and brave child would get more little red flowers oh.”
Hearing this, the children raised their hands one after another.
Pei Chuan looked out the window.
It’s the early Autumn of September, the leaves on the tree were fresh and green. He clearly got away from the kindergarten, but the new environment did not seem much better.
In the end, Teacher Yu chose a boy named Chen Gang among the children.
They sat together at the table in the first row.
At first, Chen Gang would talk enthusiastically with him, but Pei Chuan was always silent.
When he was silent, he sometimes would be in a daze, sometimes looking at the swallows in the sky, sometimes looking at the text in the book. In less than a day, Chen Gang couldn’t stand Pei Chuan’s isolation and began to “leave him in the cold”.
A child of this age couldn’t bear the silence. The next day, Chen Gang cried and wanted to change seats, not even a little red flower was able to pacify him.
Pei Chuan kept his eyes down from the start.
Teacher Yu Qian was a little awkward and comforted him. “It doesn’t matter, let’s change a new seatmate for our Pei Chuan, okay?”
Pei Chuan’s seatmate changed to a little girl named Xu Feifei.
Xu Feifei was equally quiet, the two of them mostly remained silent to each other.
Xu Feifei did not like Pei Chuan, she sat down reluctantly and found that Pei Chuan did not like people to move his things. The five-year-old boy had no expression on his face, securely guarding his side. He would not cross the border, but when Xu Feifei crossed the boundary to his half of the table, his face would become more cold and indifferent.
However, there were also benefits. For example, if Xu Feifei quietly used his eraser, the boy would just endure and say nothing.
One day, Xu Feifei found a five-yuan banknote on Pei Chuan’s desk.
Five yuan! For Xu Feifei, she could only get 50 cents during the last Chinese New Year. A five yuan could buy a lot of things.
The preschool’s wooden tables were interchangeable. She thought of the bubble gum and snacks in the little store, and grabbed the banknote with her hand.
Pei Chuan turned his head to her.
Xu Feifei was very nervous. Pei Chuan was silent for a while, then turned his head and continued to flip his book. Xu Feifei’s heart beat wildly, then calmed down after a long while.
She suddenly discovered that although this seatmate was cold and lonely, he was very generous. He would not argue over a lot of things.
After a long time, even if Xu Feifei was a child, she would be sensitively aware that if there was someone who was willing to accompany Pei Chuan, he would tolerate many things.
Xu Feifei also discovered a secret. Pei Chuan brought a water cup every day, but he would not take a sip. When school was over in the afternoon, Pei Chuan would pour the water into the sink, then get in his father’s car as if nothing happened, and went home.
Pei Chuan’s family was quite rich, Xu Feifei thought. There were too many people who had motorcycles in C City this year, riding such a car on the street would attract many people to take a look.
Xu Feifei smelled the sweet scent from the water poured out of that bottle, it must be juice with added sugar. But in winter, Pei Chuan did not bring water anymore.
In the summer of the following year, Jiang Wenjuan began to prepare water for her son again.
For half a year, Xu Feifei had used countless erasers from Pei Chuan, and also used his neatly sharpened pencils. Occasionally, there would be candies and banknotes from his schoolbag.
Xu Feifei took the water bottle hanging on his wheelchair, unscrewed it, and drank it.
It really was a delicious juice! She couldn’t help licking the sweet and sour taste in the bottle’s mouth.
The always silent Pei Chuan suddenly snatched the bottle.
Xu Feifei was dumbfounded; she subconsciously refused to return it to him. The water in the cup spilled out and splashed her face.
The whole class looked over and then there was continuous laughter of “hahaha”. Xu Feifei looked very ordinary, and because her family’s condition was not very good, her clothes did not suit her very well too; her hair was dry and loosely tied. She got a cold. Her nose was red, and there was snot hanging down on it. There was also something black on her lips.
Right now, her face was splashed with juice, and became a joke. Xu Feifei cried loudly on the spot and angrily threw Pei Chuan’s water bottle.
The bottle smashed the boy’s knee and the juice flowed all over his legs, from the cr*tch to the stump.
Pei Chuan’s face changed abruptly, and he fiercely pushed Xu Feifei. Xue Feifei didn’t expect he had such big strength; she could not stand firmly and fell to the ground.
The laughter in the class stopped abruptly.
Someone went to file a complaint to the teacher that Pei Chuan and Xu Feifei fought.
Another male teacher in the preschool class, Teacher Zheng, said, “Everyone should get along with each other and apologize to each other; you are still good friends. Pei Chuan, you are a boy, so let’s apologize to Feifei first.”
In the Summer of May, his trousers were all wet and sticky from the juice. Pei Chuan kept silent, gritted his teeth, and said nothing. Teacher Zheng looked at him with displeased eyes.
After that day, Pei Chuan did not have a seatmate anymore.
*
In elementary school, Pei Chuan also sat alone in the corner against the light.
Everyone was accustomed to him being reticent and having no presence. No one in the class would talk to him, until the end of term came, and Pei Chuan got full scores.
Everyone was surprised.
The only one who failed in the class was Chen Hu. Someone said, “Chen Hu, you guys are neighbors. Unexpectedly you can’t win against someone who has no legs, you’re so stupid.
Chen Hu’s face flushed red; he was vexed. “Pei Chuan peed himself in kindergarten!”
“Really ah?”
Li Da also said, “Really! We all saw it,” he also described it.
With a burst of laughter, Pei Chuan no longer had the aura of the top scorer.
He packed his things silently and went home.
During summer vacation, Pei Chuan met the little Meimei* who lived opposite of him.
*t/n: little sister.
When he looked outside, he unconsciously lowered his head to see her.
The children in the neighborhood were playing a game called “chasing power*”, it was very exciting. The number of people was divided into two groups. The “positive electricity” group of children were going to chase the “negative electricity” group, and the one who would get caught would be eliminated.
*t/n: The raws said 追电 (zhui dian) which literary means chasing after electricity, I don’t know what kind of game is it. You could tell me if you know in our Discord channel.
The boys ran fast. Because Bei Yao was too small, she couldn’t catch up when she was chasing, and would get caught immediately if she was being chased. So when the game started, the other children would run far away like a gust of smoke, and she would be watching beside the flower garden.
When met with Pei Chuan’s eyes, that pair of grape-like eyes were clear and pretty.
She was holding a small cake that was missing a bite. The corner of her rosy lips has a little cream, but it didn’t look a bit dirty. The little girl has milky white skin, a little silly and cute.
Little Bei Yao suddenly smiled at him.
Not long after, the door in his house was knocked.
The voice outside the door seemed to be stained with the scent of the cream. “Pei Chuan Gege, open the door.”
Pei Chuan did not move.
She said, “I’ll share my cake with you. Let’s play together ba.”
Pei Chuan felt ironic.
Does this mean the two people being shunned are forced to play together?
He did not move nor did he intend to open the door for her. Although she’s… cute, he understood that the people in this world were like Xu Feifei. No one would stay with a cripple for no reason.
Little Bei Yao did not think she was sitting on a cold bench, she was originally emotionally slower than other children.
She said sweetly, “Today is Yaoyao’s birthday oh. I’m happy, so I’ll give you half.”
Idiot, he thought.
He viciously thought girls were all as selfish and hateful as Xu Feifei. On the hottest day in August, he let her stand outside as a lesson not to provoke him; he would not give her anything.
In the end, Pei Chuan still didn’t open the door for little Bei Yao. At dusk, she bounced back home without complaints.
When Jiang Wenjuan came back at night, she said in surprise, “Xiao Chuan, why is there a fruit candy at our door?”
Pei Chuan was startled and did not speak for a long time.
Later, he gradually learned that Bei Yao was not a child that was being outcasted—everyone liked her very much.
*