Qi Xi quickly shook off the inexplicable speculations swirling in her head.
How could Gu Yan dislike heavy metal? It was right there in "The Complete Gu Yan"! The Encyclopedia had been incredibly accurate so far, providing Qi Xi with numerous opportunities to approach Gu Yan strategically!
However, Qi Xi could no longer afford to dwell on Gu Yan’s true feelings about heavy metal. She was in deep water herself.
The excessive dessert had left her feeling slightly overstuffed. Now, trapped in the enclosed space, assaulted by the soul-crushing music and the deafening screams of the crowd, she felt nauseous and lightheaded. Her chest tightened, and a wave of nausea washed over her.
She desperately wanted to escape, but she had promised to accompany Gu Yan. She couldn't just slip away in the middle of the concert.
Resigned to her fate, Qi Xi endured the sonic assault until the pressure in her chest and the dizziness became unbearable.
Just as she felt she could take no more, a pair of hands covered her ears.
Startled, Qi Xi looked up to see Gu Yan’s tightly pursed lips. He had shielded her ears with his hands and was mouthing something to her.
Before, the deafening rock music had drowned out all other sounds. Now, with Gu Yan's hands creating a barrier, the piercing screams faded into the distance.
Although Gu Yan was speaking, Qi Xi couldn't decipher his words. She didn't possess the ability to read lips. Slightly dazed, she stared at him. The sudden quietness after the overwhelming noise left her disoriented.
Gu Yan repeated himself, but Qi Xi remained clueless. Perhaps exasperated, he leaned down, removing the hand covering one of her ears, and whispered close to it:
"Cover your own ears. I'm taking you out."
The surroundings were still a cacophony, and Gu Yan's movements were so swift that Qi Xi could barely register them. However, the ear he had momentarily enveloped with his warmth was now burning.
Emotions bubbled up within her like a shaken can of soda suddenly popped open. They fizzed and popped, forming a chain of fleeting bubbles, escaping too quickly to be caught. They burst at the surface and vanished without a trace, their fleeting existence almost impossible to detect.
For the first time, Qi Xi realized that Gu Yan possessed a captivating voice. It held an icy, crisp quality, yet lacked coldness. Even in the most chaotic environment, she could discern it with crystal clarity.
His brows were slightly furrowed, but he didn't seem impatient with her. It seemed he simply wanted to get her out as quickly as possible.
Ultimately, Qi Xi found herself covering her own ears, being pulled along by Gu Yan. They navigated through the frenzied heavy metal fans, finally escaping the concert hall like fugitives breaking free.
Once they reached the open air, Qi Xi gradually recovered.
However, it was only then that she noticed Gu Yan’s displeasure.
He was probably still upset about leaving the concert early because of her.
It made sense. After all, what heavy metal fan would willingly abandon a concert midway due to their companion's discomfort?
Qi Xi felt a pang of guilt and unease, but she forced a light tone: "Why don't you go back in? You haven't missed much."
Gu Yan frowned. "We're already out." He looked at her. "How are you feeling? Do you need to go to the hospital?"
"I'm fine. Just let me rest here for a bit. You can still catch the rest of the show."
Despite Qi Xi's attempts at persuasion, Gu Yan showed no intention of returning. He looked at her, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "You clearly don't like heavy metal. Why did you force yourself to endure it?"
Qi Xi's first reaction was a flustered denial: "No, I quite enjoy it. I must have eaten too much dessert earlier."
"No, you don't." Gu Yan’s tone was calm and assured. He glanced at her. "That's not the expression you have when you genuinely enjoy something."
Before Qi Xi could respond, he quickly added, "I mean, that's not how anyone looks when they genuinely like something."
Despite her all-night attempt to feign shared interests, her cover was blown.
Slightly disheartened, Qi Xi mumbled, "What expression? How do you know I don't like it? I thought I was pretty good at managing my expressions..."
"The point is, there's no need to do that next time. If you don't like something, don't force yourself to stay." Gu Yan's tone was mildly reproachful. "You don't have to be different just for the sake of being different. There's no shame in liking popular things or unpopular things. The important thing is that it resonates with you."
Qi Xi thought to herself, "But I was trying to bond with you over your niche interest..."
She felt wronged. She had spent a considerable amount of money on the tickets, hoping to bridge the gap between them. Now, thanks to her own shortcomings, she had offended him instead. Judging by his expression, he was quite upset. Even when she had mistakenly made those inappropriate remarks at the graduation ceremony, he hadn't looked this displeased.
The more Qi Xi thought about it, the worse she felt. "I just wanted to listen with you because you like it."
Gu Yan seemed ready to lecture her further, but as her words sunk in, he froze, as if he had completely forgotten what he was going to say. His usual eloquence seemed to have deserted him.
He stared at her in stunned silence for a long moment before finally regaining his voice. "Because I like it?"
Having already confessed, Qi Xi nodded dejectedly. "Yes."
"But I don't like it." Gu Yan seemed genuinely at a loss for words. He glanced at her before quickly averting his gaze, focusing on some distant point in the air. His voice was soft but firm, devoid of anger. Without any real force behind his words, he glared at Qi Xi. "Who told you I like that kind of thing? Your own imagination?"
Qi Xi felt a surge of injustice. Wasn't it all written in "The Complete Gu Yan"? Besides...
She protested, "Didn't you say yourself that you 'kind of' liked it, that it was 'alright'?"
Gu Yan paused, then immediately retorted with unwavering confidence, "People change. I might have thought it was 'alright' before, but I don't like it now. Is that a crime?"
"..." No, it wasn't a crime. Of course not.
His feelings for heavy metal seemed rather fickle, yet his feelings for that "white moonlight" remained stubbornly constant.
But...
"If you can change your mind about heavy metal so easily, it means you weren't that passionate about it to begin with. So how come you could talk about it like you were writing a thesis? You knew every subgenre like the back of your hand, and it all matched up perfectly with Baidu Encyclopedia?"
Qi Xi's suspicions grew stronger. "Don't tell me you weren't that familiar with heavy metal to begin with and that you also crammed for this last night?"
"No." Gu Yan's denial was immediate.
"Then..."
"I don't need to cram," Gu Yan stated calmly. "I can talk about it in detail simply because I'm knowledgeable."
"..."
He glanced at her, reiterating, "Cramming the night before? That's simply not possible."
He paused, then added casually, "You, on the other hand, clearly couldn't stand the heavy metal, yet you stubbornly insisted on enduring it. Do you think niche interests make you seem more sophisticated?"
For some reason, his tone grew increasingly displeased. "If you were uncomfortable, you should have said so and left."
Qi Xi explained, "But the tickets were so expensive..."
Gu Yan cut her off sternly, "You should know when to cut your losses. No matter how expensive the tickets, if your body is clearly struggling in that environment, should you continue to stay? If I hadn't noticed you were unwell, were you planning to wait until you fainted? Qi Xi, no matter how high the sunk cost, it can never be more important than your own well-being and peace of mind."
He paused, then looked towards the distance. "After all, we're on the same team now. If you fall ill and take leave, my workload doubles. Taking care of yourself is also a sign of respect for me. Besides, if something were to happen to you while we're working together, I'd be held responsible."
His words were undeniably true, and Qi Xi didn't dare to argue. She nodded vigorously. "Yes, yes, you're right."
However, driven by some unknown impulse, she couldn't resist pushing her luck, even though she knew it was unwise. "You're right, I should have spoken up sooner," she drawled, "but when will you cut your losses?"
Gu Yan frowned, confused. "Me?"
"Yes, you. Liking someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings is also a form of self-inflicted pain, isn't it? Shouldn't you cut your losses and move on?"
To Qi Xi's surprise, Gu Yan didn't get angry at her question. His tone remained calm. "Those are two different things."
"Why are they different?"
"You were reluctant to leave the concert simply because you didn't want to waste the money you had spent on the tickets. It was just a matter of money." Gu Yan pursed his lips, his gaze steady on hers. "But I'm different."
How is it different?
His gaze shifted from her face, settling on the ground. His voice was soft but resolute. "Qi Xi, the heart is not something we can control."
Gu Yan's expression was calm. He seemed to have accepted the fact that the girl didn't reciprocate his feelings. He was controlling his emotions well, not allowing any obvious pain or sorrow to show.
He was merely stating a fact, calmly and reservedly.
However, Qi Xi felt an inexplicable surge of irritation.
She didn't like seeing him like this.
In fact, she didn't like talking about his "white moonlight" at all.
Yet, she couldn't understand her own behavior. The more she resisted, the more she brought it up. The more she tried to deny her interest, the more she wanted to know, to pry information from him. She hadn't stopped to consider why she was so curious. It had absolutely nothing to do with her. She had no right to be curious.
The only consolation was that Gu Yan didn't seem to mind discussing the topic with her.
But this also made her unhappy.
His willingness to speak so openly with her about such a personal matter probably meant he considered her at least half a friend. This had been her goal all along, yet now that she sensed it was becoming a reality, she felt no happiness.
Humans were indeed greedy and perpetually dissatisfied, though Qi Xi couldn't pinpoint what exactly she craved.
Her sharp intellect, so evident in her academic pursuits, seemed to falter when it came to her own life. She could analyze cases with remarkable clarity, unraveling the complexities of human behavior, yet when it came to herself, she was utterly lost.
Her emotions were like a tangled mess of hair, and she couldn't even smooth out the split ends and frizz.
Perhaps it was the aftereffects of the excessive dessert and the overwhelming heavy metal, playing havoc with her emotional state.
Qi Xi shook her head, determined to banish these pointless thoughts.
She thought, "Well, even though I didn't get to finish the concert with Gu Yan, at least there's one good thing that came out of it. I've learned that 'The Complete Gu Yan' isn't entirely comprehensive, and the information it contains might not always be accurate."
That evening, after bidding Gu Yan farewell and returning home, Qi Xi shared her discovery in the "Gu Yan Fan Club" group chat:
"Hey everyone, thanks for sharing 'The Complete Gu Yan' with me. As a member of this group, I wanted to give back by sharing some useful information. While it's true that Gu Yan loves pink, sweets, and durian – 80% of the 'Encyclopedia' is accurate – he's not as crazy about heavy metal as it suggests. You could even say his feelings are ambivalent, possibly even leaning towards dislike. I suggest revising that part of the 'Encyclopedia'!"
"I believe that blindly following a book is worse than having no book at all. We need to be critical of 'The Complete Gu Yan' and not treat it as gospel. We should carefully observe his true preferences!"
Qi Xi poured her heart into the message. Her predecessors had planted the trees, and now she was enjoying the shade. Their compiled "The Complete Gu Yan" had helped her transition from his enemy to someone who could peacefully coexist with him. She felt it was her duty to give back to the organization, to provide them with the latest intel on Gu Yan.
However, her enthusiastic message was met with unexpected silence.
No one in the group responded, not even with a word of thanks or praise.
In fact, the group chat had been rather inactive ever since Qi Xi had joined, except for the occasional spam messages asking for help with online shopping discounts. Now, almost a week has passed without a single message.
It seemed that even the most devoted fans had moved on with time.
Unexpectedly, the responsibility of updating and revising "The Complete Gu Yan" now rested solely on her shoulders.
Love, it seemed, did fade away…